1). Kids with headphones turned up so loudly that the whole train can hear--True the signs say that you must have headphones to listen to your music, but if I can hear whatever hip-hop crap you're listening to, you must go. I don't force you to listen to my music, and I would appreciate it if you didn't force me to listen to yours--especially when it sounds so tinny through your little headphones, 20 feet away.
2). Skinny people who take up more than half of the Metro seat--I am a big guy. As such, when I have a chance to sit on the Metro, I opt to sit by a smaller person, and I do all I can to not encroach upon his or her space. There is a distinct line as to what 1/2 of the seat is, and it shouldn't be crossed. That being said, the past two times I got a seat on the way to work, my bench-mates did not adhere to this rule, while I did more than my fair share of not squishing my neighbor (i.e. sitting sideways with my knee smashed into the bench in front of me). As a result, I was elbowed in my ribs (unduly) for the extent of my ride to work. As such, the little lady in the red coat today simply must go!!
3.) People who smell like curry in the morning--or any strong smell for all that matters. It's very pungent, and when I want Indian food, I'd like it, but on my bus ride from home to the metro at 7:30 a.m., I don't want to smell that.
4.) Stupid Shoppers--I don't know why, but it seems that the Friday after Thanksgiving ushers in a month-long stint of absolute stupidity of shoppers. Not only are they out in droves, but for some reason, they move like snails while I am very precise in knowing what I need to pick up, and as such, want to get in and out quickly. That is not a possibility at this time of year. Case in point, Target on Saturday: I have to wait behind the old lady who takes one of the last two carts, while at the same time, setting a screen to not allow me to get the other when she's backing up. Meanwhile a feisty Asian lady moves in and grabs the only other cart. What do I do, but go find an abandoned cart, empty its belongings, including a small child, and claim it as my own (some lady started yelling at me, but I was rounding the corner and couldn't quite tell what she was saying)--okay so not quite, I did find an empty cart on one aisle, but I digress. So attention shoppers, if you're stupid, slow, or can't keep your bratty children from crying because they can't get a stinking toy, you must go!! Yes, that means you, Little ole' Lady with the ugly hat with the funky bow.
5.) Last, but certainly not least, austin collie must go!! austin is a receiver for byu, the religiously(Mormon)-affiliated rival team of my college, the University of Utah. Last week was the big rivalry game, and byu won, in part because mr. collie caught a long pass (one that most certainly should have been stopped--boo Utes!) which gave great position, and allowed them to score the winning touchdown two plays after. When asked about it, the aforementioned receiver said this..."Obviously..., when you're doing what's right, on and off the field, I think the Lord steps in and...plays a part in that." Not only is he saying here that the Almighty picks sides in a football game (like God gives a hoot in hell about sports, and if that were the case, why does Utah still lead byu in these match-ups 52-33-4?), but more offensively, he, in his own pious, self-righteous way, is saying that his team is more holy, because they "live" under their "honor code." I take offense to that because there are many fine students at my Alma matter who live good lives, probably more strictly adhering the "honor code" than many at the School Down South. However, we did it, and continue to do it without signing a peice of paper. I don't want to say that all students at that school are like mr. collie, in fact some of my best friends are byu alum, but this holier-than-thou attitude exists in many and mr. collie's exhibiting it is the embodiment of my hatred (yes, hatred) for that institution. As such, mr. collie, you must go!!
Those are my humble (and fairly heated today) opinions. Take them as you will. I am still a Utah man, sir, and will be 'til I die!!
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