Friday, August 15, 2008

One Is the Lonliest Number

Reading an entry of by a friend of mine has prompted me to write this. You see, I'm a religious person, and I thoroughly enjoy the big picture of what my beliefs offer. I happen to subscribe to the Mormon way of thinking, in case you didn't know (officially The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints--so I don't ruffle any of my Mormon friend's feathers). Whereas I am not married, I attend a congregation that is made exclusively of other single members like myself. I like the idea of this, as it offers the large number of us in our geographical region to have a network of others who become a second family or support net for most of us who are far from home and out on our own. Ultimately, (I think) the grand-scheme of it is to put singles in their twenties with pent-up sexual tension and anxieties together so that they'll be in closer proximity to other Mormons who are feeling these same feelings. They'll date, fall in love, marry (hopefully in that order), and make lots of Mormon babies. Now, Mormon friends, don't get angry, you know that's what "they" want. So, that being said, I have been in my current ward for a little more than two years, and I quite enjoy it for the most part. There have been ups and downs, but I have met some of the most interesting and enjoyable people during these past two years in the Langley ward. I happen to find myself in the previously mentioned pattern of dating, falling in love, and...well, you know the rest, and it comes as a result of being in said ward.
So, I don't really have a beef with the ward itself, but rather how we're being treated. As I mentioned in my previous post, we just got booted from our old building (which, incidentally is a bit of a deal, as it now takes 20 minutes to get to church rather than the previous location, which was seven), which was centrally located in the ward boundaries, was within walking distance from public transportation for those of us who don't drive (that was me a year ago), and now we are forced to meet at 2:30 because of "limited" parking spaces--never mind that there's a whole block of street parking on the very quite street. And, the ward's schedule will remain that way indefinitely because no one will complain to anyone who could change it. Before we were constantly at the later, 1-4 pm time slot. The logic is that the "family" wards have small children, and the early schedule works better for them. Last I checked, I was a small child in a "family" ward once, and we rotated every year, like every other congregation in the world. My parents dealt with it. So should the McLean Virginia stake!!
This is merely an illustration of an over-reaching mistreatment of singles in the church I feel. Maybe mistreatment is a harsh word, but I don't know what else to call it. You see, we're active, we contribute a lot to the church, we have the highest temple attendance in the stake, we volunteer time in our stake's family history center and at stake service projects, and we get shafted in return. All this because we haven't gotten married. Last I checked, we were all God's children, and equal in his eyes--regardless of marital status or fertility (heaven knows Sherry Dew harped on this a lot).
I refuse to see myself merely as a half of a future Mr. and Mrs. Darin. And, no accomplishment that I have made, or those of my many single friends, is of less worth because I , or they, are not married. I've worked hard for the life that I have, I've struggled, and have worried about a lot of things over the years. I have had many opportunities that I feel will help me be a better husband and father for them one day. Had I been married, I very well may not have had these experiences.
I don't want to belittle the lives of those people my age who went on a mission, came home and married a few months later and now continue to live in my home town (okay, maybe a little). It's not easy to raise a family, but to assume that I am not as mature as someone who is in this boat simply because I am single is preposterous.
I don't know entirely where I meant to go with this post, but just to get some of my sentiments out of me. I am not disgruntled with anyone who happens to be married. In fact, I'm quite gruntled with the prospect of being married and having a family, but I think some people need to take a look at what we singles are capable of and not treat us any differently because we don't have a husband or wife.

5 comments:

Jen said...

I agree with how you feel. I would hate to have that schedule as well. I don't think every stake is like that in Oregon my brother got out of church at 6pm. On the other hand I would love to invite you to come to my ward and sit with my twins at 3pm when it is 2hrs past their nap time. Then you might feel come compassion for us old married people with kids:)

Anonymous said...

Ow well..... I can imagine how you feel Darin and I don't blame you! I wouldn't like this schedule at all! In my ward, we have the meeting in the morning (from 9am to 12pm) and I think this time is very good because you just do everything in the morning and you have the afternoon and evening free. But I believe it isn't easy at all to married people too... Just be calm and let's see if things get better or not.... .
Have a great week! :)

Klemm said...

Darin, I really enjoyed the post. Especially the part about being "gruntled" :D. I think part of the hold up with Langley not rotating is that the Bishopric does not believe that people will come if church is Sunday morning. I guess they had tried having it earlier before and the attendance was poor. I'm not defending the move as it placed a huge burden on Steve and me with little notice or concern from the stake as to how we might fare in a new space with 0 amenities. If you have suggestions, be sure to share them with the Bishopric or bring them up at ward council. It wouldn't be the first time you've thought of something that others haven't, or at least haven't been willing to put forward.

Megan Andrea said...

good words, friend but what i really need to know is if you have my office season 1

Rachel Cousin said...

Amen to that!