Today's Things That Must Go (Gym Edition)

So, I've been going to the almost daily for the past two months. There are some people and things there that have been bugging me, and I thought I would share.

1). Stinky McOnionpits--this old man is a balding 60-something who has been going about daily since New Years, and he smells like a Burger King Whopper (that's why I don't eat Whoppers--they smell like human body odor). It's great that he's going to get healthy, but he wreaks--especially when he gets on the treadmill next to me. The first time I noticed, he was two down from me. A few minutes later, his smell came wafting down, and hit me like a freight train. I wanted to hurl. I don't know how to deal with this, I only hope that his new year resolution fizzles out soon enough, and I won't have to deal with his foul aroma.
2). Moana--The lady who gets on the treadmill, turns the incline up to 5.5 or 6 and then starts her walk/jog. That's fine. Good for her for the effort. Other than her bizarre spandex bottoms and floral-print tight top, her being on the treadmill wouldn't bother me. It's the fact that a few minutes into her treadmilling, she starts making noises. Noises like "Oooh, OH OH" "MMM, Ahhh." The lady gets louder and louder. It sounds like she's totally getting it on. I can't help but think that she enjoys the treadmill a little too much. The tough thing is, you don't know who else is noticing this and you just want to laugh, but you can't.
3). Grandma Moses--is the most frustrating part of the workout experience. She's there every day. I can't help but think, "you're here every day, and look like that?" The thing is, she's like late 60s, and looks like she's had like five kids. Fine, fine, right? The problem there is that she takes her tee shirt and makes it into a like bikini-type top. It's gross. The funny parts about her is that she's always got these headphones with an antenna so that it gets radio reception, she always has her drink from McDonald's (every day), and she's just a slob. She'll have a newspaper or magazine while she's on the elliptical; when she's done with a page, she just throws it on the floor. She, must go.
4). The old men who feel absolutely no shame in the locker room--I don't have a problem with naked dudes in the locker room per se. It's a locker room, people shower at the gym, nudity is to be expected. My issue is with the dudes who after working out, strip down, and walk around completely in the buff. They should have some decency and cover up while walking between the showers and lockers. That's just my thoughts. Cover up a little, gentlemen.
5). Inappropriate use of hair driers--Old men tend to use the hair dryers to dry off other areas than their scalps. I've never felt sorry for an appliance before, but the horrible things that these hair driers must see must be horrific. It's weird. My thought is, "just use a towel."
So these probably aren't as funny to you as they are to me--more of a you'd have to be there thing--but trust me, they all must go.