Today's Things That Must Go

I can only think of two this week, and I don't want to try too hard to think of others. One of them may even be a repeat, but it still must go.
1). Mustaches--I'm not opposed to facial hair in and of itself. The problem I have is men who grow a mustache and nothing else. Unless you are a 70's porn star or a child molester, the look doesn't fit you. Yet, oddly enough, I've seen an abundance of upper lip hair in the past two weeks. I don't get it. I wonder if the fellows who grow them think they're sexy or something like that, cause they just aren't. A mustache is definitely something that shouldn't be found today, and as such must go.
2). The Duggar Family--they're those crazy Arkansas folks who have 18 kids. Worse than that, they named all of their kids with the same letter, J. So they breed like rabbits, what do I care? It shouldn't entitle them to a tv show, a book deal and everything they're getting for their odd mating habits. I had the misfortune to watch part of an episode last night, and they're just strange folk. Of course they're from Arkansas, so that explains a lot of the back-woodseyness. But they're like uptight Mormons, but less fun it seems as well. Their oldest son, in this episode, was making plans for his wedding. I completely understand the religious motives for the two of them "remaining pure," but these two weren't even allowed to kiss. They had chaperons at all times. C'mon where's the trust? Anyway, they're odd folk, maybe that's why they've gained popularity (like a train wreck that people can't help but look at). For me, though, I only see Jim Bob and Michelle as a couple of old, horny Jesus Freaks who haven't got the slightest idea about birth control. As such, they must go.

Today's Things That Must Go (Gym Edition)

So, I've been going to the almost daily for the past two months. There are some people and things there that have been bugging me, and I thought I would share.

1). Stinky McOnionpits--this old man is a balding 60-something who has been going about daily since New Years, and he smells like a Burger King Whopper (that's why I don't eat Whoppers--they smell like human body odor). It's great that he's going to get healthy, but he wreaks--especially when he gets on the treadmill next to me. The first time I noticed, he was two down from me. A few minutes later, his smell came wafting down, and hit me like a freight train. I wanted to hurl. I don't know how to deal with this, I only hope that his new year resolution fizzles out soon enough, and I won't have to deal with his foul aroma.
2). Moana--The lady who gets on the treadmill, turns the incline up to 5.5 or 6 and then starts her walk/jog. That's fine. Good for her for the effort. Other than her bizarre spandex bottoms and floral-print tight top, her being on the treadmill wouldn't bother me. It's the fact that a few minutes into her treadmilling, she starts making noises. Noises like "Oooh, OH OH" "MMM, Ahhh." The lady gets louder and louder. It sounds like she's totally getting it on. I can't help but think that she enjoys the treadmill a little too much. The tough thing is, you don't know who else is noticing this and you just want to laugh, but you can't.
3). Grandma Moses--is the most frustrating part of the workout experience. She's there every day. I can't help but think, "you're here every day, and look like that?" The thing is, she's like late 60s, and looks like she's had like five kids. Fine, fine, right? The problem there is that she takes her tee shirt and makes it into a like bikini-type top. It's gross. The funny parts about her is that she's always got these headphones with an antenna so that it gets radio reception, she always has her drink from McDonald's (every day), and she's just a slob. She'll have a newspaper or magazine while she's on the elliptical; when she's done with a page, she just throws it on the floor. She, must go.
4). The old men who feel absolutely no shame in the locker room--I don't have a problem with naked dudes in the locker room per se. It's a locker room, people shower at the gym, nudity is to be expected. My issue is with the dudes who after working out, strip down, and walk around completely in the buff. They should have some decency and cover up while walking between the showers and lockers. That's just my thoughts. Cover up a little, gentlemen.
5). Inappropriate use of hair driers--Old men tend to use the hair dryers to dry off other areas than their scalps. I've never felt sorry for an appliance before, but the horrible things that these hair driers must see must be horrific. It's weird. My thought is, "just use a towel."
So these probably aren't as funny to you as they are to me--more of a you'd have to be there thing--but trust me, they all must go.

Today's List of Things That Must Go

1). The BCS--How lame is it that the only undefeated team doesn't even have a chance to play for the national championship? It's a biased system, and I think there really should be anti-trust investigations into it. Sure, Florida looked like a good team on Thursday, but they barely beat Alabama, who Utah beat handily. And, if you're handing out national championships to teams who don't have the best record, USC and Texas looked good as well. The BCS system is a joke, and it must go.
2). "Black" Olives--I know there are green olives in this world. But you can't get them on pizza at any normal pizza shop, nor can you at Subway. I was standing in line and I over heard a man order "black olives" on his sub, and thought, "what other type would there be there?" It's a quirk, and doesn't really bother me, but it just seems unnecessary, and as such, should go.
3). Crooked Picture Frames--This is a big pet peeve, or rather, a minor compulsion of mine. I will straighten frames in others' homes if they can't see me. If they are crooked and out of reach, it will bother me for an entire evening. Case in point, last month I went to North Carolina to visit Kade. While there, we went to his friend's house for a game night. He had many frames that were off, but three in particular, that were in plain sight of everyone and out of my reach. They irritated me every time I looked in that direction. Today I saw a picture someone posted on Facebook, and saw that their living room pictures are crooked, and I even straightened a picture or two at the future in-laws while visiting for Christmas.
4). Not drying off partially before stepping out of the shower--I can understand if there is a wet footprint on the bath mat, but lately the mat in my bathroom is soaked. The problem is that if it gets wet, it air dries really slowly. This means that when I go in with just socks on, I step on a soggy mat, and it makes my sock wet. This is one of the worst feelings ever, wet socks. Like when you step on a spot of melted snow in your house without shoes on. It's just gross. I'm obviously going to have to say something to the offendor, but just thought I would mention it here first.
5). Can't think of a number five today. I had a thought last night as I was falling asleep, but can't remember it now. Too bad.

Sad but True

Listen Up!!

Listen to this guy's arguments. He's got some great emotion to it too.



And, since my roommate loves his bro-in-law's plan, I'll give it a plug here:

http://www.theladdieplan.com/


Oh, and Go UTES!!!